Spicy Vixen & Grand Dame of
the Feline Americans
1. Mom gave me my first name and my last name, but I gave myself my very own middle name: Maus. I can say my own middle name ... The “DaisyMae” part is too vocally challenging.
2. I have a not-so-secret crush on Rocky the Gutter Cat.
3. I’m thirteen years old by human approximation. My “gotcha”-versary is December 31st. I am NOT a geezer cat or a geez-ette.
4. I keep myself fastidiously clean and my fur smells a little bit like baked goods. I start to grow my "winter fur" in December and it makes me look very plushy and luxurious.
5. I have all of my adult teeth including all of the tiny ones in the front, but when I put a "bitey" on Mom, I don't sink my teeth into her hand, 'cuz I'm nice.
6. I’m the middle cat from my mama, Patches’, litter: Huckleberry Finn was my older brother and Priscilla was my little sister. I’m the only one still living. I don't have "papers" 'cuz I'm not a pure-bred feline. I was abandoned and became a neighborhood stray until the mom I chose took me in became "Mom."
I now live with five neuter-boys collectively called the Feline Americans. I can kick all of their a**es!
7. My favorite food is pork and pork-like products. Bacon and ham are my preferred pork-age. I like purified water, but have tasted orange juice (didn’t like it much). I’m lactose intolerant. I love the milk in the bottom of the cereal bowl, but it makes me heave!
8. I am a very accomplished cuddler (for distance and endurance). I sleep beside Mom’s left hand (for taking my own pets) or on the left side of Mom’s head on the satin pillow case. FYI: I snore like a lumberjack ...
9. My favorite colors are PINK, PURPLE and GREEN, but I look best in RED. I refuse to wear a collar or MOST kyoot outfits ... I prefer to be nekkid.
10. I hate to be squeezed. When someone squeezes me and I manage to escape, I have to pick a fight with one of the Feline Americans and smack him (any him) around a bit to work out my aggression. I'm built like a fireplug and picking fights is how I got to be called "Miss Robots."
11. If I have to ride in the car, I have to be locked in the “PINK prison box.” I will howl and protest during the entire trip. The longer the trip, the bigger the headache I’ve been known to cause.
-- If I’m NOT put in the “PINK prison box,” I will pee down the driver’s side car door and then will hide beneath the passenger seat growling menacingly.
12. I have my own seat at the dinner table, and I will do my “bobble-head” dance until my presence is recognized and I’m served. I'll try most everything, but sometimes I just want a good, open-mouthed sniff. Most veggies ... in my estimation ... suck.
13. My leather (nose, pads, ... ) is BLACK: but the middle of my bottom lip is girlie PINK! There's no silicone in any of my hoots.