Since Mom has put off recognizing the "Housecat of the Quarter" until the weekend, because ... get this ... she's "too tired to vote objectively" and she's "hosting an awards banquet for 125 tonight so time is at a premium", I'm running this list as my Thursday Thirteen.
Huh! Too busy for ME?!?
Yes. I'm bitter.
Yes, I'm bein' just a tad demanding.
Yes, I really, REALLY want to reclaim my title.
But I don't want to be a suck-up 'cuz suck-ups tend to get thumped.
I asked Mom what I'd be getting THIS time when I was named "Housecat of the Quarter."
She looked at me with a startled expression on her face and asked why I thought that I had the contest sewn up ... That, in fact, my "pie sulk" had cost me valuable points that just might tip the scale in favor of one of the Feline Americans.
Wha'? You've GOT to be kidding! Who could possibly have more points than I do? How could one sulk over pie cost me the crown?
Is it Charmee? He's been HORRIBLE this quarter! He climbed on the mantle. He broke a pitcher! He chased Cocoa Puff and THUMPED him!
Ugh! I can't lose! This is far too important to my self-esteem! Whaaaaaaaaa!
While I try to wheedle my way back into Mom's favor with some carefully timed purring, enjoy this week's Thursday Thirteen:
I. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
II. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
III. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
IV. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
V. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
VI. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
VII. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
VIII. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
IX. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
X. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
XI. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
XII. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
XIII. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!