Friday's Feast #31: Leftovers from 4/2006

*This feast contains leftovers from April 2006. Consume at your own risk!*

Appetizer
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how polite are you?
Gosh ... That's a tough one because I was raised to be polite to everyone regardless of how brainless, useless, or undeserving the person might be. So ... if I were just to rate myself based on outward behavior, I'd have to say about an eight.

Soup
What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
"The Simpsons Movie." I saw it last Wednesday and nearly shot soda out of my nose during Bart's nude skateboarding scene.

If you've seen the movie, you know exactly what I mean ...

Salad
Who is your favorite cartoon character?
"SpongeBob Squarepants." Everyone who knows me knows about SpongeBob. My cellphone ringtone is the very beginning of his theme ... "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Sponge! Bob! Square! Pants! ..."

Main Course
Tell about the funniest teacher you ever had.
Ah. That would have to have been Mr. Jay Maness (may he rest in peace) for science in eighth grade and chemistry during my senior year. He was unintentionally funny, but brilliant just the same.

He wore ties that were so wide that they looked like bibs for a lobster restaurant. He also wore some very odd sandals (with black socks) ... I later recognized them as being early versions of Birkenstocks.

He did experiments involving distilled water and a car battery that nearly got him electrocuted, and tried to illustrate displacement by making a rope swing, hanging it from the classroom ceiling, and then trying to swing in it (nearly ripping down a whole bank of lights).

When I student-taught at another local high school, I had the privilege of being his daughter's senior English teacher. Can you imagine THAT Open House? Yep. It was like old folks' day at the home ... Quite a reunion.

Dessert
Complete this sentence: I strongly believe that ______________________.

I strongly believe that pets should be neutered (unless owned and managed by licensed breeders) AND that pets should be supervised at all times.

Fashion Show Friday featurin' Formal Wear Charmee!

Thursday Thirteen #31: Open House AGAIN???

Tonight is Open House at Mom's school ... AGAIN!!! Already!!!

As you're aware, Mom hates Open House an' I really hate that she often works a fifteen hour day that day.

In honor of Mom's day of torture, I'm presentin' ...

Thirteen Things That I'd Say To Parents At Open House If Cats Could Teach High School

1. Convert the basement because you're gonna be supportin' your child for the next fifty or so years of YOUR life.
2. School ... for your child ... ends at 4 PM because he's going to be servin' detention for this entire year.
3. I hope that you bought stock in Pink Pearl 'cuz your kid makes tons of mistakes.
4. Did you drop her on her head?
5. I have two words for you: Social Promotion.
6. I've hacked up more intelligent hairballs.
7. Teens should be spayed or neutered!
8. Sparky Fuzzypants is brighter than your kid an' he's got a room-temperature IQ!
9. Did you drop her on her head?
10. Now that I've met you, I understand why your son says and does such stupid stuff in my class.
11. Your daughter has the morals of an alley cat (!) an' dresses like a tramp!
12. Aarrrrrghhhhh!
13. And ... Did you drop her on her head?