ManCat Monday: Charmee's ready to PARRRR-TAAYYY!

It takes a REALLY secure ManCat to dress this outlandishly for a party ...

I think that Charmee is one stylin' ManCat, don't you?


Make your own Glitter Graphics

My 14th Gotchaversary

Today I celebrate my 14th Gotchaversary!  Yay!

Mom woke me with a gentle squeeze an' gave me a kiss on the forehead.  

I'm having some tuna with Grandad as my special lunch (Mom doesn't eat tuna nor does she ever buy it).

Oh, an' I have my furry own Gotcha Day Twin!  Yep!  Boy has the furry same Gotcha Day as me an' we're the same age, too!

So, please stop by Boy's blog an' wish him a Happy 14th Gotchaversary, too!

Be safe tonight in your celebration of New Year's Eve (to those of you west of Greenwich, England) ... an' Happy New Year to those of you livin' east of the International Date Line.  

2008 is gonna be GREAT!

Groaner ...

Two friends went to a club for New Year’s Eve.  Unfortunately, the club required a tie.  One of the guys did not have one on, so his pal took jumper cables from his car.   He told his friend to wear them as a tie.   The bouncer discovered the ruse.   He let the man in, but warned him not to start anything!

Sunday 'kinda' funny ...

FYI:  Mom's friend, Steve, has a slightly warped sense of humor an' he sent this joke ...

"Tickle Me Elmo" 

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota that makes the “Tickle Me Elmo” toys; the toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The "Tickle Me Elmo" factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM, there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are "Tickle Me Elmo" toys all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stood Lena surrounded by mountains of "Tickle Me Elmo" toys.

She had a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The two men watched in amazement as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around two marbles and began to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager burst into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulled himself together and approached Lena.

"I'm sorry," he said to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

Hee, hee ...

DMM

Sleepy Sunday: Lucky Charmz had a rough night ... AND Slide-show Sunday: Hand-Art

With all of the excitement this week ... an' with Mom keepin' him up late with her sinus problems ... Lucky Charmz hasn't been sleepin' furry well.

Charmee wouldn't get up for Temptations ... 

Or stinky goodness ... 

Or Secret Paws ... 

Or a nice cuddle.

He meowed, "Don't bother me!  I'm sleepin'!"

Our Aunt Montie sent us these photos in a forwarded email.  They show the AMAZING artistic skill of an Italian artist named Guido Daniele.

According to the email, he paints his hand(s) an' then takes a photo for posterity.  Some of the animal portraits take ten or more hours to paint (specifically the two-hand birds).

Oh goodness ...

I was cruisin' along just fine 'til Mom reminded me that my fourteen year gotchaversary is comin' up on Monday.

 

Wow. 

 I've known Mom for a furry long time!   

It seems like just yesterday ...

Saturday Photo Hunt #49: MESSY (the last one of 2007)

MESSY!

The Saturday Photo Scavenger Hunt theme for this week is MESSY!

Gosh ... There are a TON of "MESSY" photos that I could post: 

Our dark green carpeting is "MESSY" an' covered with cat litter specks, pieces of fev-vers from our myriad fev-ver toys, bits of wrapping paper that didn't make the recycling bin, an' crumblies from our Temptations.

Mom's bedroom is "MESSY" 'cuz she hasn't been feeling furry well (with a sinus infection ... yuck).   The laundry has piled up.   Presents an' boxes haven't been put away.   An' she STILL hasn't made her bed.

Our food cupboard is "MESSY" 'cuz Mom bought Tempations an' Fancy Feast (we weren't out, but she had coupons that expire on Monday).   Efurrything is crammed into the cupboard ... Not that I'm complainin' 'cuz a messy cupboard means that we have LOTS to eat!

Mom did get her hair cut today, so at least THAT'S not messy (for once).

Hmm ... What to show? What to show?

Oh, yeah ... The best kind of MESSY comes from Secret Paws presents cushioned with shredded paper.

Charmee's Secret Paw ... Midnight ... sent presents in a box filled with wonderful red-an'-green shreds ...

Charmee loves boxes with shredded paper SO much that he jumps into the box before the presents are removed.

This is one of the photos of Charmee gettin' MESSY.

Mom felt bad about cleanin' up because he was having such a terrific time ... 

(Thanks again, Midnight!!)

More Secret Paws?!? Yay!!

Cocoa Puff an' I got packages today!  

Joe ... the man in the bloo shorts ... brought them to our house an' Mom took photos while we opened 'em up!

Charmee guarded the packages until it was time to reveal their contents ... He's an excellent package-sitter, isn't he?!?

My Secret Paw is Andrew Bun! He's a bunny rabbit an' he's furry adorable ... 

If I didn't have super-sexy Jake as my special tom-friend, I'd be interested in havin' Andrew as my boyfriend. 

Meeoowww ... purr, purr.

Andrew Bun is super smart 'bout cats 'cuz he sent me the BEST gift: TEMPTATIONS! I LOVE Temptations ... an' he sent lots of 'em. Yay!

He also sent a furry cute Christmas bear. This bear is special 'cuz he's full of 'nip.   An' I LOVE 'nip almost as much as I love Temptations.

Thank you, Andrew Bun! You're an excellent Secret Paw! I really liked the holiday greetings with your photo ... Mmm ... Tuxie Bun? The most attractive kind, I say!
Cocoa Puff's Secret Paw is Cody. Cody DOES have a bloggie, but you can also visit his Catster page where you can find his personal page.

Cody had a holiday card inside just for Cocoa. See?


Cody's package had lots of cool stuff inside including Cocoa's favorite stinky goodness: Fancy Feast Elegant Medleys Chicken an' Egg Soufflé. Yummo! We shared a can for dinner tonight!

Charmee was furry interested in the fuzzy mice an' the fev-ver wand toy with the bell.

I snuck off with his 'nip ravioli. Oooo ... 'nip.

Sparky Fuzzypants was trying to bite a hole through the lid of the Whisker City 'nip! Primo stuff! Whoo hooo!

The best thing of all for Cocoa Puff was his furry own crocheted blankie. Oh, boy ... Cocoa Puff couldn't get enough of that!

Mom even got a present! She got a stack of Santy Claws notes in a holder.  

(Thank you, Cody! Those are VERY useful and I like them very much! ... Mom).

Friday's Feast #50

Feast One Hundred & Seventy Three

December 28th, 2007  -- The LAST Feast of 2007

Appetizer
Name 2 things you would like to accomplish in 2008.

1.   I intend to get back into consistent distance walking.  Perhaps my friend, Marisol, would like to join me in this venture?  This accomplishment would ripple into weight, health, stress, and philanthropy.

2. I'd like to save more money toward airfare so that I could "go away" during my work vacations.

I've also purchased an organizer for all of my sterling silver earrings.  I intend to wear them this year rather than wear my same three pair:  hoops, pearls, diamond studs.  I have three piercings in each ear, but I wear the same earrings day after day.  It's pure laziness, because I filled the entire organizer with earrings to spare:  More than 150 pair.

Soup
With which cartoon character do you share personality traits?

I'd like to choose someone who's brave, strong, or intelligent ... but most cartoon characters aren't.  I'll choose Sandy Cheeks from SpongeBob Squarepants because she comes the closest to holding the characteristics that I respect most.

Salad
What time of day (or night) were you born?

I was born at 10:10 PM.  I'd like to think that my birth time is partly responsible for my being a night owl rather than a morning person.  I'm not an early riser by choice.

Main Course
Tell us something special about your hometown.

The place where I work was a lemon orchard up until the year that I was born.  It became a school on its current site the fall that I started kindergarten (on a campus not a mile away).

Nothing is more than an hour away by freeway in San Diego County (barring traffic jams):   One can travel from the ocean's shore to the high desert in an hour; city central to the local (snowy) mountains in an hour; the Mexican border to the northern-most county line in an hour.  It's really amazing.

Dessert
If you could receive a letter from anyone in the world, who would you want to get one from?

Gosh ... 

Oh, I know.  

I'd want a letter of apology written by one of my ninth graders who has been HORRIBLE for the past six months.  I'd want him to have had an epiphany about his behavior, and to have come up with a strategy for making a 180 degree change in his direction.  The kid has tons of potential, but he has no respect for anyone else ... and his parents don't know how to "parent" him, so they give him his own way regardless.  I'm at wit's end with him ... A letter of apology from him ... with some sincerity attached ... would restore some of my faith in him.

Friday Fill-in #52

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2007 #52

I'm doing it a bit differently this week...below are movie quotes. Don't stress about filling them in correctly, just put something funny or applicable, or hey, if you DO know it, feel free to fill it in correctly!

I'll have the correct fill-ins up on my blog, along with the movie title and the character name who spoke the line...AND below that my fill-in goofy answers :-) Enjoy!

1. "I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, _organs_, _orafices_."

2. "Why is _the toilet paper_ always gone?"

3. "Harold, *everyone* has the right to make an _idiot of himself sometime_."

4. "Nine companions, so be it. You shall be _my loaf of homeslices_."

5. "Nonsense, I have not yet begun to _fight ... for the right ... to parrrrr-ttttaaayyyyy_."

6. "Mama says they was magic shoes. They could _be worn comfortably on either foot_."

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _maybe going to a movie_, tomorrow my plans include _seeing my financial guy and having lunch with my mom (along with some full-contact shopping)_ and Sunday, I want to _SLEEP_!

Thursday Thirteen -- Christmouse 2007: Secret Paws Edition!

Today's Thursday Thirteen will be:

"Thirteen excellent shots of Secret Paws on Christmouse" ...

Mom finally downloaded the photos from the flashy box so that we could share our Secret Paws pictures from Christmouse Day!  Yay!  

("In my own defense, I have had a really horrible sinus infection for the past week and downloading photos hasn't been utmost on my priorities list" ... Mom).

Editor's Note:  We don't know who Cocoa Puff's Secret Paw was ... So there's no post from him.

1.   Charmee had been guarding the Secret Paws packages since they'd been delivered by Joe ... the man in the bloo shorts ... an' by "Hot Stuff" ... the guy in the brown shorts who Mom thinks is cute.

2.Christmouse FINALLY arrived an' Charmee announced the "opening of the Secret  Paws" ... 

"Hey! Guys!   It's time!  

Efurryone hurry!

We're openin' the Secret Paws!!!"

3. Charmee's Secret Paw was Midnight.  

4. There was lots of terrific shredded paper in the box! Yay! Shredded paper is a whole lot of fun to play in!

5. An' all of the presents in the box were wrapped!

6. Efurryone had to sniff Charmee's Secret Paws presents.  Thank you, Midnight!!!

7.   Sparky Fuzzypants an' Pumpkin had Secret Paws from The Fluffy Tribe!

8.   Sparky's Secret Paw was Shadow the Cat.  Thank you, Shadow!!!

9.   Pumpkin's Secret Paw was a bunny!  His name is Rabbie Burns an' he's furry pretty.  Thank you, Rabbie Burns!!!  Would you be my NOMS Special Friend?  I've never known a bunny before.

10.   Pumpkin is very camera-shy, but he enjoyed havin' some Temptations on his pretty blue snuggle.

11.   Both Sparky Fuzzypants an' Pumpkin got pretty blue snuggles.  As you can see, the color looks fabulous against our pretty fur.

12.   DaisyMae's Secret Paws were our furry own cousins, Zoey an' the Furballs w/ Cha-Ching, too!  Thank you, Zoey & the Furballs!!!

13.  There was a present for Mom, too.  A pretty kitty cat necklace from Mom's cousins, Kirsten & Matt.  Thank you, Kirsten and Matt.  I like the necklace very much and have gotten many compliments!

We also wanna say "THANK YOU" to Miz Allie Cat who sent a furry cute magnet in the holiday greetings that she sent to us ... and "THANK YOU" to efurryone who sent us holiday greetings (some even had photos of YOU inside).

This Christmouse was especially fun, 'cuz we got to send our furry own holiday greetings with coupons for Temptations inside (our foreign friends didn't get coupons 'cuz they weren't valid outside the U.S. ... sorry!).  

We also sent some surprises in addition to our Secret Paws this holiday.  We're furry glad that the surprises got to their destinations in one piece an' that efurryone liked 'em.  That was fun.

Mom became FURRY popular at the post office.  The post-mistress said, "Hey.  I remember you!  You're $202.35!"  

Mom just smiled an' bought more stamps.  

Hee, hee ...

Thank YOU!

We've opened our Secret Paws packages and would like to thank Midnight (of Grr, Midnight & Cocoa ... and Rascal & Riley), Shadow an' Rabbie Burns (of the Fluffy Tribe), an' our cousins, Zoey & the Furballs.  They were excellent Secret Paws.

We'll post photos tomorrow ... We're busy eatin' Temptations, playing with wonderful toys, gettin' wired on 'nip, and cuddling in our beautiful blue Snuggles.

Stop by later for some HAM ... Mom cooked a ten-pound spiral sliced half ham an' we're plannin' on eatin' ALL OF IT.

Merry Christmas to everyone ... everywhere.

DMM & the Feline Americans

Arlington at Christmas

Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths -- some 5,000 -- are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine. The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well.  He's done this since 1992.  A wonderful guy. 

Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out. 

Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one the poorest parts of the state.

The Feline Americans wish everyone a Merry Christmas full of peace, joy, and love.

Meowy Christmouse from Charmee Clawz!

It's time for our favorite Christmouse story: Santa Mouse

In case you've been keeping score, this is our 700th post just in time for the celebration of Christmouse.

I would like to thank my wonderful tomfriend, Jake, for sending me a gift of MISTLETOE ... for smoochin'! ... at my Catster page. Jake, you are a real sweetie!

A Feline American re-print of last year's pre-Christmouse post ...

Mom had this wonderful little Christmas book from when she was a very little girl, but as she grew older, the book disappeared. 

A few years ago, she found a reprint of the book at a Borders bookstore and had to buy it to share with us. The new copy is missing the sandpapery feel on the cover that the original book had and it's missing the color crayon squiggles that Mom's brother made in the book when he was a tiny boy, but the story is the same. It's our favorite ... 

So here, without permission of the author (yep, being naughty), is the story of "Santa Mouse."

The Story of Santa Mouse
By Michael Brown

Once there was a little mouse, who didn't have a name.
He lived in a great big house, this mouse, the only mouse in the whole wide house. He day-dreamed he had playmates who were friendly as could be.
The little girls would bring their dolls, and dress up and have tea.
The boys would play at cowboys or Eskimo or Spanish.
But when he tried to touch them like a bubble they would vanish.
Now through the years this little mouse had saved one special thing.
A piece of cheese -- the kind that makes an angel want to sing.
And so that night as he brushed his teeth and washed his tiny paws.
He said my goodness no-one gives a gift to Santa Claus.
So he ran to get his piece of cheese and after he had found it,
Some paper from some chewing gum he quickly wrapped around it.
And then he climbed in bed and dreamed that he was lifted high,
And woke up to find that he was looking right in Santa's eye.
Thank you for my gift he said now tell me what's your name,
I haven't any said the mouse.
You haven't, that's a shame.
You know I need a helper as I travel house to house.
And I shall give a name to you, I'll call you Santa mouse.
So here's your beard and here's your suit and here's each tiny shiny boot.
You mustn't sneeze and you mustn't cough,
Now put them on and we'll be off.
Then over all the rooftops on a journey with no end,
Away they went together, Santa and his tiny friend.
And so this Christmas if you please,
Beneath that tree that's in your house,
Why don't you leave a piece of cheese.
You know who'll thank you,
SANTA MOUSE!

Not in the spirit yet?

Mom's friend, Darleen, sent the link to this quiz about popular Christmas carol lyrics.  Give it a click an' see how you stack up ...

Chicago Tribune Christmas Carol Quiz

Mom only missed three out of twenty-five: 88% isn't half bad, huh?!?

Tamales! Yum!

Note: This photo came from Tamara's Tamales an' doesn't look a whole lot like the ones that Mom an' Grandma made 'cuz ours aren't tied.

The house smells furry good right now 'cuz there are three steamers steamin' up the house with the smell of freshly made tamales.

In the southwest, tamales are a traditional part of Christmouse celebrations.  Even fast-food places like El Pollo Loco are sellin' tamales as a part of their seasonal menu.

On Tuesday, Mom, Grandma, and Grandad went to a San Diego landmark restaurant called El Indio (it was featured on "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives") to have lunch.  The food is marginal (there's MUCH better Mexican food available locally), but they had five pound and ten pound pails of masa preparada available for sale so that patrons could make their own tamales or corn tortillas at home.

Grandma has a thing for fresh, home-made tortillas an' Mom LOVES tamales, so they bought a five pound pail of what they call "red masa."  Red masa has chile powder and tiny pieces of jalapeño mixed into the prepared batter.  Having it pre-seasoned like this makes it fool-proof for the home cook.

Anyway, the masa was purchased ... along with a bag of corn-husks ... so that Grandma and Mom could make tamales.

Mom purchased a tamale at El Indio ... it was a dessert tamale with pineapple, raisins, and brown sugar ... so that she could see how they assembled their tamales.  They actually used TWO husks overlapped with the pointy ends at the outside.  Mom had always used ONE husk and then had to tie her tamales ... an' it was furry difficult when the husks were too small.  Mom had an "a-ha" moment ...

So today, Grandma and Mom made tamales while Grandad was out Christmas shopping.  They made green chile and cheese tamales inspired by the delicious ones sold by Trader Joe's.

Uh, oh ... What's that smell?  It doesn't smell good in here anymore ...

One caveat, tamale-makers ... When steamin' your tamales, make sure that you use lots of steamer water an' that you keep an eye on the water level.  Right now, our house smells like burned corn husks 'cuz Grandma ... who was in charge of steamin' ... fell asleep with Charmee on her lap an' let the water burn off. Oh, an' she caught her vest on fire a little bit, too. Her vest saved her from gettin' a furry nasty burn on her tummy when she was carryin' the tamale steamer to the sink. Gotta be careful, Gran!

It's 65 degrees right now, but all of the windows an' doors are open to keep the smoke detectors from going off.  It's furry smelly in here!

Saturday Photo Hunt #48: LIGHT!

LIGHT!

The Saturday Photo Scavenger Hunt theme for this week is LIGHT!

Gosh ... During the holidays, this week's theme is kind of a no-brainer ...



This is the corner house LAST Christmas ...

Mom will stop by this weekend and take a photo ... When she drove by a couple of day's ago, the Santa's head was missing. Ooooo ...

Uh, oh ...

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged Otherwise known as "Song Titles to Offend EVERYONE"

1. Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear, the Voices, the Voices?

2. Amnesia -- I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas

3. Narcissistic Personality Disorder  -- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

4. Bipolar Disorder (Manic Episode) -- Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And.......

5. Multiple Personality Disorder --We Three Kings Disoriented Are

6. Paranoid -- Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us

7. Borderline Personality Disorder -- You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna' Cry, and I'll NOT Tell You Why

8. Antisocial Personality Disorder -- Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10. Agoraphobia -- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Alzheimer's Disease/Senile Dementia -- Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder -- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder -- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

14. ADHD -- We Wish You......Hey Look!! It's Snowing!!!

Meme: Fantasy Gift Friday

I came up with this meme ... Anycat (or other kind of pet) can play this meme!

Ask your bean(s) what they'd like to have for the holidays ... 

It has to be a ridiculous FANTASY gift that there's no way they'd EVER get even if they had billions of dollars.

Mom said that her Fantasy Gift would be ... drumroll, please ...





Jeffrey ... Dean ... Morgan
I must admit that he's pretty yummy-lookin' an' would be the perfect gift for Mom 'cuz she's impossible to buy presents for ...
Grandma an' Grandad have been askin' Mom for gift suggestions for months.  They didn't get Mom anything for her fortieth birthday last month, 'cuz Mom said that she didn't want any presents.  They took her to dinner at P.F. Chang's though ...
Is your bean impossible to buy for?  Mom sure is.  I'm thinkin' that I'll give her "cuddling" coupons, 'cuz I think that Nordstrom is all sold out of Jeffrey Dean Morgan ... 
UPDATE:  OHMYGOODNESS!  J.D.M. WAS A GUEST ON THE FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21, EPISODE OF "THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW"!!!!

Friday Fill-in #51

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2007 #51

1. Snow _CONES_.

2. I'm looking forward to _having ham on Christmas. I LOVE ham almost as much as my cats do. It's amazing to me that there is not ham-flavored cat food on the market_.

3. _My tiny Trader Joe's wreath_ is the best _smelling_ ever!

4. One of my favorite old tv shows is _"Salvage One" ... Does anyone even remember the show? It had Andy Griffith in it_.

5. I'm done with _... actually, I'm FINISHED with ... teenagers (and others) who have no manners_.

6. The most enjoyable thing around the holidays is _fruitcake from Corsicana, TX. A family friend has been sending one for the better part of thirty years. It's the ONLY fruitcake that I'll eat. It comes from the Collins Street Bakery and it's divine_.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _going to the movies to see "National Treasure: Book of Secrets"_, tomorrow my plans include _buying breakfast for a homeless person_ and Sunday, I want to _SLEEP REALLY LATE_!

Thursday Thirteen: #47

This is my Thursday Thirteen for this week with a special bonus TWO additional acts of human stupidity thrown in ('cuz I couldn't decide on which two to delete to make this list "thirteen" instead).


15 Weirdest Work Stories of 2007
By Rachel Zupek, CareerBuilder.com writer

Natural disasters, revolutionary technology, pro-athlete scandals and national calamities marked 2007 as an unforgettable year. Yet, amid these major happenings arose stories that were overlooked, unseen or ignored altogether: tales of our nation’s work force.

Understandably, these pieces weren’t as newsworthy as Michael Vick’s dog fighting charges or Paris Hilton going to jail. But these stories held an angle unlike any other: They were just plain weird.

Here are 15 headlines that exemplify the strange happenings that took place in the workplace in 2007.

1. “Employee eats 32 vending machine items for charity”
A juvenile probation officer ate one of every item in a county courthouse vending machine in one day. She consumed more than 7,000 calories and more than 300 grams of fat, eating such items as beef sticks, candy bars, Pop Tarts and potato chips – all to win a bet with co-workers and raise $300 for charity.

2. “Cola wars get physical as Pepsi worker attacks Coke employee”
Two employees from the rival companies got into a tiff over shelf space in the aisle of a Wal-Mart in Indiana. The Pepsi worker allegedly assaulted the Coca-Cola employee, hitting him in the face, giving him a black eye and breaking his nose. Police say the two were also accused of trying to run each other over with pallets full of soda bottles.

3. “Alleged robber asks victim out for date”
After two men robbed a Domino’s Pizza delivery woman, one of them called the victim from his cell phone to apologize – and to ask her out.

4. “Four women fired for gossiping”
Four women employed in a small New Hampshire town were fired for gossiping about a relationship between the town administrator and a fellow co-worker. They were fired on the basis that “gossip, whispering and an unfriendly environment are causing poor morale and interfering with the efficient performance of town business.”

5. “Eau de Lawsuit: Woman sues over scent”
An employee in the Detroit planning department sued the city, saying a female co-worker’s strong fragrance prohibited her from working. The woman claimed she is severely sensitive to perfumes and her co-worker not only wore a strong scent, but also plugged in a scented room deodorizer.

6. “Salt lands McDonald’s employee in jail”
A McDonald’s employee was arrested, jailed and is facing criminal charges because a police officer got sick after a hamburger he ate was too salty. The employee accidentally spilled salt on some hamburger meat and told her supervisor and co-worker, who “tried to thump the salt off.” The employee was charged because she served the burger “without regards to the well-being of anyone who might consume it.”

7. “Carpenter free to ply trade in the nude”
A carpenter caught hammering nails and sawing wood in the nude says he prefers working in the buff because it’s more comfortable and helps keep his clothes clean. The carpenter was found not guilty of indecent exposure.

8. “Southwest Airlines employee tells passenger her outfit won’t fly”
A Southwest employee asked a young woman in a short skirt to leave the airplane, saying she was dressed too provocatively for the family airline. The young woman was eventually allowed to complete her trip after covering up. On her return flight, she came home with no problem – in the same outfit.

9. “Employee accused of faking being cop”
A Taco Bell employee was arrested for impersonating a law enforcement officer and attempting to arrest his managers and co-worker. He passed himself off as an undercover narcotics investigator, going as far as typing fake criminal histories on the general manager, two shift managers and an employee and telling them they were going to be arrested.

10. “Employee took 1 million screws home from factory”
An assembly worker hid screws in a specially designed hiding place and took up to 7,000 home with him every day. Over a two-year period, he stole more than 1.1 million screws with an estimated value of $155,000. He allegedly sold the screws over the Internet at discount prices.

11. “Deputy nabbed twice for DUI – by husband”
An off-duty jail deputy was pulled over and charged with driving under the influence – by her husband, a fellow deputy. She supposedly left before he could give her a Breathalyzer test, so he pulled her over again and called for backup. She was placed on administrative leave.

12. “Workers killed after seeking raises”
A car dealership owner killed two employees because they kept asking for more pay. The employer told police he was having financial problems and was under a lot of stress.

13. “Man demands coupons from radio station employee”
A radio station employee was threatened at gunpoint when an angry patron was unhappy with the promotional bumper stickers he received. The patron demanded McDonald’s coupons instead; when the employee didn’t have any, the man flashed what looked like a handgun. She searched her car and found a coupon for a free cheeseburger. The man took it, made a derogatory comment about the radio station and rode away on his bike.

14. “Wienermobile gets cop roasted”
When a 27-foot-long, 11-foot-tall vehicle – known to most as the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile – was slowing traffic in a construction zone in Arizona, an officer ran its “YUMMY” license plate to make sure it was street legal. A bad computer entry erroneously showed the Wienermobile as having stolen plates, forcing the officer to pull it over. After further investigation, the officer learned that the entry should have read that license plate had been stolen – but only if found on any vehicle that isn’t a giant hot dog.

15. “Drive-through dispute gets suspect jail food”
Workers at a Burger King in New York got into a dispute with a customer after he refused to turn his music down while ordering at the drive-through. The customer grabbed the restaurant’s manager, tried to pull her through a window and then attempted to run over a worker who came to help the manager.

Meddlesome on Monday

Wrapping Presents with the Cat


1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.

15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.

17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.

19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.

22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.

24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.

25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.

31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)

32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.

36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

39. Vow to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the thing for you.

Saturday Photo Hunt #47: SMALL!

SMALL!

The Saturday Photo Scavenger Hunt theme for this week is SMALL!

This group of three photos ... furry old ones from nearly seven years ago ... are from when Feline American Pumpkin was small. Wasn't he a cutie?  

Mom says that someone had left him in her planterbox on the front porch during Easter week of 2001. 

She kept hearing "mewing" from the porch, but couldn't see any kitten anywhere. 

Mom finally started searching individual plants an' found a tiny ginger boy huddled beneath an azalea. 

He only weighed eight ounces at the time, but has grown into a seventeen pound gentleman cat with plush fur, brown eyes, an' freckles on his nose.

Once he was very small ... an' now he isn't!



DMM